Toilet time

We are having a hard time with toilet time. At daycare DS1 eagerly wears underwear, goes to the potty on his own, and has few accidents. At home he is very resistant to using the potty or wearing underwear. Except for 2 days (3 times total) he has not gone at home. He asks for diapers instead. So we change him into a diaper, believing that it needs to be his decision. He is obviously physically capable, and mentally there when he wants to be. He has been a lot more clingy than usual the past week, his eczema has flared up, even to the point of me suspecting chicken pox last Sunday because of the spots on his face. His daycare teacher disapproves of us letting him go back and forth, but we won't force him onto the potty and don't want to shame or coerce him into wearing underwear either.

The night before last, during his sleep, he yelled "mommy, I don't want to wear underwear!" He has also been crying and throwing "mini tantrums" over little things. He is fairly easily consoled, usually. One website I like, The Natural Child Project, has an article about The Nature of Dependency in which the author states, "I believe it is normal for people of all ages to hold it together while facing a stressful situation and then to let down and fall apart, if necessary, once they are in a safe environment. For a child, this safe environment is home, mother, or father." I think DS1 is doing this to some degree.

This weekend we are going to try a new approach. The rule will be that he has to wear the same at home and at daycare. (He will come home from daycare in underwear.) If he insists on a diaper (after discussion & several attempts to encourage him to stay in his underwear), then he will get to wear a diaper all weekend, but will also wear diapers all day Monday at daycare. I know he won't like that, but we believe he will decide that it's worth wearing underwear at home, to get to wear underwear at "school" too. Reading this plan in print, I think it seems harsh to "make him" wear a diaper Monday if he asks for "big boy pants", but we also think 1-2 days will be all it takes for him to choose underwear all the time.

It's going to be a tough weekend.